Mom, look, it’s so lame you had to come with me to the mall. I mean, honestly, i look like a total loser who has to have her mommy drop her off in her goddamn embarassing Lexus SUV. If you could just leave me alone for two seconds so I can go into Hollister and do some shopping. No Mom, you can’t come with, I’ll just die of embarassment. I’ll text you on my cell when I’m ready for you to come in and pay! No Mom, I don’t want to go into Old Navy! Are you kidding me?! I wouldn’t be caught dead in fucking lame-ass Old Navy! Well, Kelsey bought a sweater there and look what happened to her! Jason totally dumped her! Mom, stop following me…I can make it into Hollister by myself! Please don’t walk so close to me! What am I going to buy? I’m going to get some velour beach shorts that say something like “Hollister” on the butt. Then I might get some shorts-God Mom don’t make that face, they’re long enough. What? Yes, Mom, they’re shorts, not a tube top. God, this is why I hate shopping with you!!

You better not be planning on using your Visa Target card! It’s sooooo embarrassing! Just use the Platinum MasterCard! What? Dad?! Dad won’t care! Mom, please you’re being so fuckin’ lame I could just die! Please, just give me the card so you don’t have to come in. What do you mean they’ll never believe a 16 year old with a credit card?! FYI, Mother, I do not look 16! Seriously, just leave me alone! Look, there’s Brookstone, why don’t you go in there and buy yourself one of those lame back massagers since you and Dad don’t even sleep in the same room anymore! God! I can’t fuckin’ take you anywhere! I’m going in Hollister now, and when I’m ready for you to pay, I’ll text you on my phone. Oh and by the way, this phone is so fucking last year - you’re ruining my life! Just make sure that for my birthday next week that there’s a new iPhone inside my new Mercedes-Benz or I’ll absolutley die! I’ll never be able to show my face in this town again!